I've never really been in love 4/23/21

I've never really been in love, I don't think. 

I've only ever been a seeker acceptance. I need a Shrink.

I give up myself to make others feel Happy .

That is not love,  and it just feels real crappy. 

 I let myself deconstruct to make someone else feel secure

It never works anyway and I find myself more unsure.

Honestly, I do not know what is true loyalty

I just know I treat every one I've been with like royalty.

How can you feel or give what you have never had?

Seems demanding it is meaningless and  that's really sad.

I ponder these thoughts of myself in vain

Some of us need to thoroughly explore our pain

It is only when these thoughts fail to produce lingering strife

One such as me can move on to live a productive life.

Bold Heart 4/17/2020

I will not go gentle into the forever night

I will not miss another mornings light

I have fearless strength and a soul on fire

If I am ever down only I can lift myself higher

Learning from the past is something I do well

Letting go is hard as the memories make tears swell

But don't ever count this bold heart out

Do not ever feed into my self doubt

I am emboldened by the beauty you cannot see

I am emblazoned by the beauty that is me

Where is she? 8/23/20

Where is she?

Here, but lost in reality.

Pain wont let her go

All her happiness is just for show.

Everyone tries to help because they think they know how her life should be

No one really knows because no one else is Me. 

Feng Shui 10/9/2020

You Good?

Yah, you good.

Fuck what all the players say

I don't have to play to be ok.

Light and love in Pink for my soul,

 Feng Shui. 

Missing Pieces 10/19/2020

A puzzle

With missing pieces

surviving through life 

but no longer whole

Kind of like the walking dead with no soul. 

He Said, She Said 10/21/2020

He said...

She said...

What does it Matter

If they're both going to be dead?

A choice made today 

The soul pays for tomorrow

I want to go to Heaven in bliss

Not to Hell in sorrow. 

Once I find me 10/24/2020

I remember you like yesterday

You are the one I let get away

I will find my heart, my soul, myself again

I  am wondering where I have been

Once I find me, the healing will begin

Forever, my own best friend

Love myself first till the end 

Eyes 10/24/2020

Eyes, can be so betraying

They speak the opposite of what you are saying

There, that twinkle, gives away the lies

Hard words spoken just to disguise

That little smirk makes the eyes squint

The bright fiery coals of your soul glint

Claiming a heart of limited space

The eyes seeking a soft, safe, loving place

Eyes Sharp as the hunter stalking prey

looking for a softer heart to slay.

He Knows 10/29/2020

He knows

The darkness inside me

That I wont even write about.

He knows

The turbulence in my soul

How my heart and my mind fight it out.

He knows

The silence of my thoughts

Is how deafening the pain can shout.

He knows

All the secrets I hide

And still believes in me with out a doubt.

I don't move like you do 9/9/20

While you are out here trying to make yourself a name

and running around still playing teenager games

I'm out here being grown.

Everything I have got I have got on my own.

I make sure the kids and I have everything we need.

I don't live my life based on greed.

But know this, just because I don't move like you do

That doesn't mean I don't make a move or two.

You have your schedule and I have mine.

When I am ready, remember, you stepped out of line.

I didn't know the friendship wasn't real.

My desire is more mental which makes the fire more surreal.

Embers need to be fanned lightly to burn higher

Too much oxygen, too fast, puts out the fire.

I know, life is short and we never know what tomorrow brings.

You don't get what you want by forcing the song bird who isn't ready to spread her wings

Morning, Noon, and Night 12/16/20

Why should I make you my Morning, Noon, and Night?

When it isn't me you seek at mornings light?

You get what you give with me.

I'm Nobody's Fool... Nobody

You want everyone around you to let you be you?

Go ahead and be You boo.

Just know that I'm going to be me and do me too.

You get what you give with me.

Don't like it? I don't really care my G.

You can change or leave.

You can take what you give or be faithful?

 No?

Then its a wrap. 

Go ahead and go.

I Write

I write to stay alive and survive when the thoughts in my head make me wish  I were dead,

I write to relieve and to breathe when life is not fair and the pain is sucking all my air,

I write to know, to understand and to grow when conflicting emotions are confusing my loyalties and devotions,

I write for me and to give my words a place to express free when there is doubt I can trust anyone to let me talk it all out,

I write to dream because as free as I seem there is a huge wall holding me captive and keeping me small,

I write to feel because the numbness is very real when I know what I know and I still cant let go,

I write just because and to relive what once was when the present Im living is no longer pleasant,

I write for you to arouse an emotion or two with passionate poetry with hopes you will dote on me,

I write because that is what I do, for me to know me and for you to know me too,

writing is the most honest thing I do and it is truly my pleasure to share it with you.

I've Had Better Days

 

I’ve had better days

Lazy Days

And some very hazy days

S A T U R D A Y S

Are my favorite days

Sunny days

Or rainy days

Icy cold, my least fave days

Even less than Mondays

All the memories of Yesterdays

I love to reminisce the days

The optimism for future days

Still A M A Z E!