Friday, November 7, 2014

Walking in The Rain

Walking in the Rain
Hiding tears again
You will never know my pain
You'll never know, you'll never know
the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain...
To have everything I ever wanted ripped away again and again.
To lose the love of my life and my best friend
Repeatedly, that's my history
And still no peace at the end.
The very core of my soul,
The deepest love in my heart
My first born child's rejection rips me apart
All I can do is love him as always
And keep doing my part.
So don't compare your scars to mine
I'm the best I know at pretending everything is just fine
When inside I'm crying tears never ending
for my broken heart that never has a chance at mending.
I always need to be strong in the eyes of others
always seeking approval, yes, even still, my mothers.
Feels like my life is my purgatory
I pray and pray for a happy ending to my life's story.
My scars run deep and the mask can't hide my eyes
so when there is cloudy skies
I walk in the rain
so I can disguise my pain
as my tears come rolling again
as my tears come rolling again.

Unavailability Irony

I wonder what you want to see me for?
Years ago, I wasn't enough, you wanted more.
Now you are all excited to see my face?
Already inviting me to see your new place.
Past keeps popping up, whats it trying to tell me?
I let it all go but it wont let go and let me be.
Can't help but wonder why they come back by?
Is the Good Good that good they don't ever want to say goodbye?
I'm not even going to fill my head up with that lie.
But still I wonder why even when they know I got a guy?
Why does the past come back and continue to try?
They are married, moved on, have families and new babies
But still torture themselves with my empty maybes.
If it wasn't for my unavailability would I be forsaken?
After all, years ago, when I was available to be taken
These were not the moves they were making.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

till i die

I'm a nobody till I die.
I don't give a fuck if no one knows the reasons I cry.
When I'm gone nothing matters anymore, no lie.
I'm a nobody till I die.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Introvert

I'm ok with being unseen
I'm not being mean
It's just my thing
I'm ok with going unnoticed
I keep myself focused
I don't follow the locust
I'm ok with being a background blur
and people asking 'is that her'
Yes I'm sure

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Where did our rainbow go... draft

crying in the rain
trying to disguise my pain
thunder rolling across the sky
lightning flashes reveal my lie
all these tears for you
What is this we go through?
A storm raging in my heart
the longer we're apart
I just wanna know
Where did our rainbow go?


Monday, May 19, 2014

I'm Wasting

I'm Wasting
All my time replacing
Feelings you had me chasing
It's not even a face to face fling
It's just sexting and erasing
Then you're on to the next thing

I'm wasting
It's time I let go of you
There is nothing you can do
No longer feeling what you put me through
I loved you like I was supposed too
The days you love me are too few

I'm wasting
Ill never be your baby
I'm tired of accepting someday maybe
I'm no longer letting you play me
Don't go acting all Crazy
You were never gonna make me your lady 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Oh what fun it is to Drive In NY Winters Dear

Dashing through the snow
in my Chevrolet
sliding through the lights
as cars come the other way
left turn counter here
shift to lower gear
Oh what fun it is to drive in NY winters dear
Oh beep the horn
flip the bird
yell obscenities
Oh what fun it is to drive when snow falls in the Cuse
Oh beep the horn
flip the bird
yell obscenities
Oh what fun it is to drive when snow falls in the Cuse

Just want to get to work
not a plow in sight
people walking in the streets
all damn day and night
stuck in a snow bank
no gas in my tank
# 1 record snow fall in Syracuse to thank
Oh beep the horn
flip the bird
Yell obscenities
Oh what fun it is to drive when snow falls in the Cuse
Oh beep the horn
flip the bird
Yell Obscenities
Oh What Fun It Is To Drive when snow falls IN SYRACUSE.