Recession Depression 2010

I can feel the sadness creepin in
My world is about to flip and spin
My mind is always submiting within
No matter how hard I try to please I never win
My life is like a Merry -Go- Round
What goes up must come down
So my smile becomes a frown
Sobbing replaces the laughter sound
All I ever do is think about him
Wondering why his outlook on life is so grim
I feel his rage though I am not his victim
I have no recourse but to pray
Tired of tears every night and day
When will happiness come to stay
Im beginning to believe it never may
Empathetic to his anger about repression
Struggling to survive from fall out of recession
His words, how they do leave a lasting impression
Knowing this sadness before I am anticipating depression.

THE WAY WE WERE

I THE REMEMBER THE DAY HE BECAME A STRANGER
IT WAS THE DAY HE PUT OUR LIL GIRL IN DANGER
I CANT FORGIVE WHAT HE DID TO ME AND HER
BUT I CANT STOP REMEMBERING...
THE WAY WE WERE
EVERY TIME WE SPEAK I END UP IN TEARS
MY HEART LONGS FOR HIM LIKE IT HASNT BEEN 2 YEARS
AT FAMILY GATHERINGS I PUT THE HURT ASIDE
PUT MY ARMS AROUND A STRANGER THE MAN I LOVE IS STILL INSIDE
HE FEELS THE PAIN IN ME AND WONT LET GO THE HUG
I FEEL THE PAIN IN HIM CUZ HE CANT LET GO THE DRUG
IN OUR LIL GIRL OUR SOULS OUR LOVE ALWAYS JOINED AS ONE
EVEN THO WE ARE SEPARATE NOW THAT BOND WILL NEVER COME UNDONE
I REMEMBER THE DAY HE BECAME A STRANGER
THE DAY HE PUT OUR LOVE OUR SOULS OUR LIL GIRL IN DANGER
THE MAN WE LOVED IS LOST TO ME AND HER
BUT I CANT STOP REMEMBERING...
THE WAY WE WERE.

BLU 2/6/09

TORMENTED

Tormented 12/18/02 

Tired, beaten, weary soul of mine

 my inner light is losing its shine. 

Every night and every day I pray for my Tormentor to go away. 

His words cut deeply into my heart. His words of hatred tear me apart. 

And just when I think he can cause no more pain, He spouts more hurtful things over and over again. 

His angry words are only half my strife. He has this cold angry stare as if he wanted to take my life. Although its been a while since I felt his heavy hands He creates fear in me because he raises them up now and again. 

Whats worse than the way he makes me feel, are the things I want to do when I cant deal. 

All I want to do is close my eyes and go to sleep. I dont want to wake up, I pray the Lord my soul he’ll keep.

 I’m not the same naive girl I used to be. My faith is tainted and jaded with ugly.

 I do things and say things that make me not like who I have become. I pray for quiet peace. 

Please Lord give me some. 

So many times I have thought things I’m ashamed to speak, but how long can one last being tormented week after week. 

I have a small child thats why I cling to this weary life of mine. But I feel I’m losing my grasp no matter how much I say "Everything will be just fine."

 Last night I was close to falling off the edge of sanity. His looks, his words, his smugful vanity.

 I never felt such vile hate in all my years. I think he gets a kick out of reducing me to endless tears.

 I actually felt such a rage, such a loss of self awareness. I wanted to snuff out the source of all my pain and unfairness. 

I raised my voice, I raised my hand! I said things to cause him pain! Now I am no better than him, and it did no good. Shame was my only gain. 

Tired, beaten, weary soul of mine. My inner light has lost its shine.