Recession Depression 2010

I can feel the sadness creepin in
My world is about to flip and spin
My mind is always submiting within
No matter how hard I try to please I never win
My life is like a Merry -Go- Round
What goes up must come down
So my smile becomes a frown
Sobbing replaces the laughter sound
All I ever do is think about him
Wondering why his outlook on life is so grim
I feel his rage though I am not his victim
I have no recourse but to pray
Tired of tears every night and day
When will happiness come to stay
Im beginning to believe it never may
Empathetic to his anger about repression
Struggling to survive from fall out of recession
His words, how they do leave a lasting impression
Knowing this sadness before I am anticipating depression.

Suchen meine Mütter gebären Familie editdelete

Meine Mutter wurde in Kampen Sylt Deutschland in 1951 geboren. Sie Wurde in 1953 durch einen Amerikaner Copule Angenommen und hat sie in Amerika gelebt, da sie 3 war. Ihr Name, wenn sie in einem Waisenhaus in Deutschland gelebt hat, war Rosewitha Witte ot Wiitte. Ich hoffte, jemanden in Deutschland zu finden, das würde entweder jenen Nachnamen hat, oder kennt jemanden durch jenen Namen. Ich hoffte, dass sie Familienmitglieder fragen könnten, wenn sie von irgendeinen Frauen in ihren Familien wissen, die ein Mädchenbaby zu einem Waisenhaus iin den Jahren 1951 zu 1954 aufgegeben hatten. Es ist mein Glaube, dass sie ein Posten WWII Kind ist, und darf das Ergebnis wenn Beziehung zwischen einem Soldaten, der entweder jenes Gebiet während der Jahre nach den Krieg oder sie besetzt hat, ist das vielleicht ein Kind von sein „ein SS Züchtend Haus“. Eine andere Möglichkeit ist war ihre Mutter nur zu arm, sich sie zu der Zeit zu pflegen. Keine Materie was das Ergebnis der Suche ist wir nur hoffen, Antworten zu finden. Meine Mütter angenommener Vater ist gestorben, als sie 13 war, ihr Bruder ist gestorben, als sie 20 war, und ihre angenommene Mutter ist vor ungefähr 20 Jahren gestorben. Sie hat nie wirklich anerkannt durch den Rest ihrer angenommenen Familie so daher sie fühlt wie eine verlorene Seele gefühlt. Alle hat sie für Familie ist ihr Ehemann und ihre Kinder. Ich kenne seine eine verrückte Idee nur, zufällige Leute in Deutschland zu kontaktieren, aber jeder Andere sucht wir haben versucht hat führt nicht irgendwo. Das Waisenhaus, in das meine Mutter war, als ein Säugling wurde verbrannt bevor socoiety hat behalten Informationen über Computer so alle Dateien sind gegangen. Im, der traurig ist zum interupting Ihres Lebens mit meiner Suche, meine Müttergeburtfamilie zu finden,. thankyou für Ihre Zeit. Sie sind sehr großzügig gewesen, zu antworten. Aufrichtig April

TO MY DAUGHTER

I thought I was a woman but I was just a girl
the first time I kissed a boy and felt love in my heart.
I thought I was a woman but I was just a girl
the first time a boy I had kissed tore my heart apart.
I thought I was a woman but I was just a girl
the first time I knew it was more than like, it was love.
I thought I was a woman but I was just a girl
The first time I vowed my love before my family and God Above.
I thought I was a woman but I was just a girl
The first time I held my child and realized I was a Mother.
I thought I was a woman but I was just a girl
the first time the one I loved betrayed me for another.
I thought I was a woman but I was just a girl
the first time I thought I knew the difference between the two.
I knew I was a woman and no longer just a girl
The first time I decided to love myself and to thyne own self be true.
Now that I am a woman I have not forgotten being just a girl
so for the first time my dear daughter let me say to you
On your journey to being a woman and no longer just a girl
I will always be your mother and have taken this journey too.
I will be the woman to guide you while you are just a girl
the first time that you need me I will be here for you.
Just like the woman who guided me when I was just a girl
teaching you to love yourself, as woman and as your Mother,I must do.

INDEPENDENT LADY

It's a hot summer night on the southside

finna get ready to take a li'l ride

Gonna cruise the hood in my pearl Escalady

Gonna sight some brothas

Maybe act a li'l shady

They holla and they flex as I slide by

But I'm still lookin' for the right guy

He's gotta be a hottie

he's gotta stay fly

With a li'l bit of thug in his eye

You all know the Independent lady

White Honey in the pearl Escalady

I learned from my man how to be shady

Didn't wanna slide but baby he made me

So here's a brothas chance to be

down with me

But he's gotta be V.I.P.

not just anybody

Every body's poppin' bottles these days

Downin' themselves in a purple haze

All kindza drink at ev'ry house party

Yes, even the ol' cliche Baccardi

If you're VIP then you've got the Cha Ching

and all the icy icy on your bling bling

If you ain't clubin' you ain't doin the damn thing

NOW LISTEN TO THE PRETTY LADY SING

You all know the Independent Lady

Not lookin' for a yes, just need a maybe

We gonna spend some time , Is that ok baby

Come and take a ride in my Escalady

We gonna cruise the hood sippin on HQ

Baby if you're good mix in the Henny too

If I'm gonna slide I want all to see

You lookin' like the Hottie with the V.I.P.

A li'l bit of street to really sex me

Dont worry bout my man he's history

We're goin' to the club to shake all night

Maybe if I'm lucky there will be a girl fight

He might be there with her if I am right

He's gonna see me in a new light

You all know the Independent Lady

White Honey in a pearl Escalady

Didn't wanna do it but I'm out bein' shady

Didn't wanna slide but baby he made me

So here's a brothas chance to be

Down with me

But he's gotta be V.I.P.

not just anybody

You all know the Independent Lady

White Honey in the pearl Escalady

Not lookin' for a yes just need a maybe

Didn't wanna slide but baby he made me

So come and take a ride in my Escalady

MY HEART STILL LONGS FOR HIM

I think about him, still, after all this time

The way he looks, the way he smells

Sometimes, When I'm sleep

I forget he is gone

I reach for him

He is not there

My heart still longs for him

I sleepwalk through every day, still, daydreaming

About his laugh, his smile

Sometimes, when I'm out

I think I hear him

I turn around

He is not there

My heart still longs for him

I love him, still, after all this time

all his mistakes, all his lies

All the time, I miss him

I just want to be with him

But I cannot

He is not there

My heart still longs for him

GOODBYE LOVE

I let go of my heart today

I said goodbye to my love

It's the hardest thing I ever had to say

I said goodbye to my love

I removed the ring he gave to me

I said goodbye to my love

I erased every trace that I could see

I said goodbye to my love

It's sad to me he wont know our daughter

I said goodbye to my love

I wipe away those tears remembering he didn't want her

I said goodbye to my love

It is now time for me to grieve

I said goodbye to my love

I still dont understand why he had to leave

I said goodbye to my love

CRACK WIDOW 2007

Once I was in love and soared through the heavens. He was my lover and my best friend for eight years. Life wasn't perfect but it was adventurous and fullfilling. My Love was stolen from me by the devil of all drugs. My heart bounds me to this weary planet where I mourn the loss of my love. Although he is still living, he is the walking dead. Seeing him on the street makes me cry remembering the man he used to be. Listening to my daughter cry for her father breaks my heart, knowing that I am not only denying myself I am also denying her the love we both long for. He cannot see past his own wants and needs. He cannot hear the pleas from his family, his friends, or me to get the help he needs to come back to us. He is addicted to the devil of all drugs and the man he was he is no more.

I want to soar the heavens again. I'm afraid there is no one who can help me until I have found my release from the grief that binds me here. I'm afraid that day will never come.
I dont know how to let go of my love for the man he was or my sorrow for the man he now is.
I am a crack widow.