Walking in The Rain

Walking in the Rain
Hiding tears again
You will never know my pain
You'll never know, you'll never know
the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain...
To have everything I ever wanted ripped away again and again.
To lose the love of my life and my best friend
Repeatedly, that's my history
And still no peace at the end.
The very core of my soul,
The deepest love in my heart
My first born child's rejection rips me apart
All I can do is love him as always
And keep doing my part.
So don't compare your scars to mine
I'm the best I know at pretending everything is just fine
When inside I'm crying tears never ending
for my broken heart that never has a chance at mending.
I always need to be strong in the eyes of others
always seeking approval, yes, even still, my mothers.
Feels like my life is my purgatory
I pray and pray for a happy ending to my life's story.
My scars run deep and the mask can't hide my eyes
so when there is cloudy skies
I walk in the rain
so I can disguise my pain
as my tears come rolling again
as my tears come rolling again.

Unavailability Irony

I wonder what you want to see me for?
Years ago, I wasn't enough, you wanted more.
Now you are all excited to see my face?
Already inviting me to see your new place.
Past keeps popping up, whats it trying to tell me?
I let it all go but it wont let go and let me be.
Can't help but wonder why they come back by?
Is the Good Good that good they don't ever want to say goodbye?
I'm not even going to fill my head up with that lie.
But still I wonder why even when they know I got a guy?
Why does the past come back and continue to try?
They are married, moved on, have families and new babies
But still torture themselves with my empty maybes.
If it wasn't for my unavailability would I be forsaken?
After all, years ago, when I was available to be taken
These were not the moves they were making.